I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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