I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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