I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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