i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
