let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
