So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
