wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize