it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
