I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
