Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
