Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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