We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
