Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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