she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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