I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
barbara walters just said penis...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
