Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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