i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
