Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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