That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
