1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
