The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
