dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
