people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
