Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
