I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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