I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
