I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
