YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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