My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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