fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
