Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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