he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
