I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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