I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
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I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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