my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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