btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
