If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
