The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
