Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
