Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
