I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
