false alarm. still invincible.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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