My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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