My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
