I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
