suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
