Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
