I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
