R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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