My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
