I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
