My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
