If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
