I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
