bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
