My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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