i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
