2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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