so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
