apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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