Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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